Money Saving Tip #11: Drink the Free Coffee at the Bank

It’s free! And believe me, you can taste how free it is. But it is coffee, and what’s important is that you are fully aware of you surroundings as the day systematically crushes your dreams.

Step 1: Walk into the Bank

I’m a big proponent of getting away with things because you act like you know what you're doing. In this case you’ll want to act like you have a pile of money that you’re giving to the bank. Not true! But slowly chant to everyone you see “I have a pile of money for the bank. Just a usual day, at the bank”. No one will suspect that you’re there for coffee!

Step 2: Find the Coffee

It’s usually at the end of the bank line on a dirty wooden desk set up by the same guy who sets up all garage sales. They have two options: Regular and Decaf. Stay away from the decaf. That’s not even worth free. Now the coffee might look like it’s been there over night, but you’re in this far and there’s no way out. Keep informing people that your “piles of money will look good in this bank!”.

Step 3: Fill your cup, sir!

All of the cups at the bank are Styrofoam. Remember, the bank hates the Earth. But there will be time to write several complaint letters later. On good ol’ U.S. of A. one-sided paper. But for now you need to pour that gritty black sludge into your tiny buoyant cup. Mmmm… smells luke warm and burnt. You’re almost done!

Step 4: Sugar or Cream?

How do you take your coffee? With cream? What is this, the Renascence!? Cream is for chumps. What you need is a non-dairy creamer. Not only does it come as a powder, but it tastes White. Perfect for making coffee taste less like coffee! Mix and you’ve got yourself a tasty cup!

Step 5: Leave the Bank Pretending that You Forgot Something

You’ve got your cup of joe, now you need to get out! The best way is to pretend you forgot something. Politely announce “I forgot my giant piles of money! I’ll see you next time, BANK!” . And by next time you mean next time you need more coffee! Well done!

Now I must note that not all banks have coffee. Hate mail should fix this. In the mean time you might have to get creative. Here are some other places that do have coffee:

Funeral Homes

Church After Sermon Gatherings

Car Dealerships

Teacher Lounges

Office Buildings

Homeless Shelters

Airplanes

And more!

Follow these exact same steps, and you’ll be set regardless of location!

-Erik